Wednesday, November 19, 2008

The Trudge

La Faticaccia

Not good news from the front lines of the selling game. From what I am seeing, getting to the end of the year unscathed will be highly uncertain. We’re in the thick of things now, the deep trough, the slog through the sludge. Forget about keeping your mukluks sparkly clean, we’re going into the uncharted terroir of the slime. And it ain’t autochthonous. Or archetypical.

Funny how wine geeks love to talk about the feel of the soil. But when it gets soggy and tracks through the house, folks be singing another tune. Until the end of the year, the wine business is joining the rest of the economy in just getting through these days.

Small or large, importer or distributor, terroir-driven or industrial-fashioned, wines in these times, and selling them, have some particular challenges. Call it Stock and Awe.

First, the warehouses are full. As, I am sure, are the winery stockrooms. Just like the car lots and portside lots, space is running out. Meanwhile, folks aren’t running out to buy a car or a TV or the same bottle of wine.

In a short survey today, while driving from Dallas to Austin, I talked to importers. Some have a niche market of artisanly crafted wines and others have more commercially made offerings. In either case, marketers are telling me they are worried. Vintages are starting to back up.

Another concern is the Europeans. Since they perceive the dollar is stronger, and they are wrestling with inflation and recession, some camps think they will push for price increases to bolster their margins. That would be a huge mistake to entertain such fantasies. Not because they aren’t entitled to recoup margins after holding back their prices while the dollar was in the tank. Unfortunately now there are other things in a tailspin and to have any price points spiral up would be suicide. But I am sure many of those folks won’t be reading this blog. Those who do, would save time and lost sales and just bite the bullet for the next eighteen months.

Forget about the problems about Brunello. It will seem small by comparison to the next wave that is in motion. And a year or two from now let’s see if this seemingly pessimistic assessment will be prophetic or aimed in the wrong direction. I hope it is erroneous. In the interim, it will be crucial that the industry moves forward slowly. Introducing new items? This probably won’t be a good opportunity moment. Beefing up inventory? We’re going to see a new definition of just-in-time. It’ll probably be more like, when we run out, then we’ll order. After we sell some other product sitting, waiting for its day.

What will be telling? When, like the auto industry, folks decide instead of waiting around for a bail-out, they start selling wines, at reduced margins in order to just move product out to make room for the next round of offerings. Both products have a shelf life; cars rust, wines get tired.

I feel for a friend, who has recently taken the leap to import and self distribute, with containers just showing up. Unknown wines in a time when even things known have slowed down. This is not a good time to be exposed to the elements of the downturn. It’s going to take a lot of street beating, wearing out some of the old shoe leather. Forget about chasing maidens around the primordial ooze.

So the fancy Beatle boots of the dandy salesman, like the three martini lunch, is a sullied white elephant in today’s climate.

Maybe a drill sergeant’s pair of boots would be more suitable for the combat in the streets, Main or Wall. The situation on the ground calls for a little less speculation (and editing of the fantasy-dream sequence) and a little more real time pounding of the concrete. What some of the old bull elephants in the selling game call getting out of the mud bath and trudging into the village. Stay tuned.






Sunday, November 16, 2008

The Glamour of Arrogance


I don’t know what it is about Sunday. Where once there was a family dinner, now there is solitary reflection in front of an empty screen. From the perspective of practice, when I look around these days, what is it about Italian wine that seems to have become an endless catwalk of the richest, biggest and most obvious? Standing in line, waiting to talk to a wine buyer last week, I was thumbing through a pile of wine reviews and noticed how the wines that were getting all the accolades ( read: 94 points and above) seemed to be these shorn up, beef-caked, tag-team wines that more resemble porn stars than classics. Who is putting these wines in their cellars, let alone their goblets?

When did the search for the Shangri-La of wine go so off track? The history of Italian wine shows us that it was built up over the ages by the monastics, who took care to keep the light burning through some dark and dreary days. Nothing so glamorous then, working the fields in the dark, at 4:00 AM in the biting cold. Year after year. With no love, save the Divine Love, to keep the solitary worker in the field, hopeful for a better day. Hope and faith. Not arrogance.

I went through a wine collection yesterday, one that has been in the works for 30 years. In it many of the bottles were created by people that are long gone. Some of the newer wines, one in particular, A Super Tuscan from a producer in Montalcino, struck me. I don’t know what the owner will do with the wine. It has too much power to be enjoyed. It’s too noisy, wants to lead but doesn’t really need a partner to dance with. I’d say to put it in the ‘drink now’ bin, but I’m not sure it will ever be ready to drink.

I spied a few California wines, some which were blockbusters in their day, now shuffling off to the veteran’s home, no fire left in them. Maybe that is where these over-promising and under-delivering Super Tuscans will end up. Which seems like a waste of the Tuscan land which wrought them from the ground.

Whether it is Tuscany or Campania, Sicily or Friuli, Italian wines are at a crossroads. They have fashioned themselves to be these worldly wines in a universe of other worldly wines, all competing for the attention of the same buyer. And those buyers are looking for the next big thing, whether it is an Ovid from Napa or a Mollydooker or God knows what. Why? When did Ferrari seek to emulate General Motors? Or Ducati chase after Harley Davidson? Still, Italian wine chases after the Shangri La wine crowd.

And if an Italian wine becomes a landmark, say a Sassicaia or a Bric dël Fiasc, does that really lead them (and the rest of us) into the Promised Land? How does it go, for what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?

And if the Italian wine succeeds in becoming the king pin of all wines, then what? Defending a territory that for all purposes doesn’t exist in Italy? That would be the fitting punishment for succeeding in looking away from all that is unique and indigenously wonderful in many of the wines of Italy. It’s not too late to turn back, some of the young winemakers have looked beyond marketing and their Upper West Side flats to embrace their soil. Not glam, but sans arrogance. We can only hope. And work to help those who see this as a time to return to their winemaking as an act of selflessness and true vocation. Sounds almost ecclesiastic. Oh, wouldn’t it be loverly?

Then all we’d have to do would be to figure out what to do with all these monstrous wines lying around.




Friday, November 14, 2008

Casual Fridays Redux: Nomadic Furniture for the Jug Wine Lover

My friend Hank Rossi and his wife Phillissa just returned from a two month nomadic trip across Europe, their blog is a hoot, go give it a look-see. To ease them back into the New America, I am offering them post-economic meltdown re-design suggestions for their flat. Unless they got out of the market before they left, they might not be traveling as much. Knowing Hank, they probably have all their money intact, which would be OK with me, seeing as they are great folks. And when they are gone we sneak in their place (the doorman loves Pinot Grigio) and have wild parties in their place. I also drive their Jaguar convertible around town, acting like I'm in a higher income bracket that I really am. All in good fun. So to welcome Hank and Phil back I am bringing back an old post I did a couple of years ago. Since then there are more new furniture projects. Have at it Hank, Rossi wine in jugs is the new paradigm for the economic times; sales of Carlo Rossi are off the charts!

Years ago I had a sculpture teacher in Silicon Valley whose father-in-law was Carlo Rossi. We used to go up to the prof’s house in San Francisco because his wife cooked for us (and she was real pretty), and we always had an endless supply of wine. It was cool.

Now all those empty jugs of Carlo Rossi wine can have a new life. Artist Jay Blazek of Seattle has created 6 do-it-yourself projects.

Go to CarloRossi.com and see for yourself. Videos outline how to make in a simple and entertaining manner.

The Cabernet Couch, just the spot to do some vertical (or horizontal) tastings


Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Are We Not Drawn Onward to New Era? *

So here we are again, the harvest is completed and the new wine is in the barrel. Once more the cycle begins anew, a sequence which we in the wine business live to develop and enjoy. Already we are hearing talk about the miraculous victory of the return, the gathering of the century, the harvest of hope. The bringing in of a new dawn, the hope of a new age.

And during the daytime I am like a priest in a confessional listening to folks in the wine business go over all the sins, not of their own, but of the others.

Today in a little trattoria; a rather immense man, with an even larger ego, walks in and proceeds to sit in the table next to me and my lunch companion, an old pro who has seen it all. This large man is a small distributor and he knows not of the code of professional regard. All the wine in his beat up 30' by 70' stockroom is a small insignificant corner of a warehouse somewhere in the Midwest, forgotten by time or care. But as he has not trodden the path of the ancients, his malfeasance is to ignore the history of his trade and mock those who have paved the Via Appia so that he may pretend to be in the company of those who really give a crap.

But then again, he doesn’t dine regularly with Cicero and Seneca, so what can he know about where he is going? Like so many who think they must abjure their competition, I just laughed at his folly on my way out the door. I could pretend to be a bigger man than the whale. After all, what runs through my veins flowed through the Tiber, then and now. As we all have.

Today I saw a group of college students as they were being taken on a tour of one of the big warehouses, in for a little recruitment into our multi-thousand year old trade. How I’d love to have five minutes with them. But since I haven’t been asked, wait, this is my wine blog, I can take five minutes. Or ten.

Dear new generation looking to come into our tiny little global wine village,

If you are looking to join up to make a lot of money, think again. If you are looking for a career, well maybe you could call it that. If you don’t know what to do with your life, but if you don’t do anything you’ll end up like a character in a Camus novel. And that would be distressing to a generation that has had so much landed right in front of you.

If you are looking for a place to get a free drink on a Friday morning, you’ve come to the right place. But if you have alcoholic tendencies, this place could be worse than Gitmo for you.

If you want to travel all over the world, you missed that boat by about 20 years. Can't even make it up in coach.

So what is it that would draw you to this wine business? Not money, nor travel, nor an escape from some kind of existential ennui.

Well, let me tell you. Because I was once there on the outside-looking in. I really didn’t know what to do with my life. I had graduated from a private university and the economy was in the tank. Gas prices were high, home values were crashing, the stock market was a mess and American cars were the pits. But I remember the times I’d drive up Highway 29 in Napa and think what a wonderful little place that was. Or I’d think about the grapes I had picked in Calabria and thought how special it was to sit in a cellar at night with a bunch of cousins who I didn’t understand and they surely didn’t understand me. But after a bottle or two of wine in that musty, balmy old place, a miracle occurred. We started understanding each other. Our global village was born there and to this day I have been under the influence of a power greater than anything I could ever imagine or take credit for creating. In a phrase, I found my place. I belonged. And that gave my life meaning. Greater than the $100 million bucks one of my sad relatives probably just lost. Greater than the fame my college friend Tony once had, a friend who can no longer find it in him to return a phone call from one of his friends before he became famous ( him, not his friend). I am having a Lou Gehrig moment, and I have it often in this crazy old wine business.

Oh, one other thing – find a specialty, be it Port or Bordeaux or naturally made wine or the wines of Campania, just find a way to be seen as having a special niche. And don’t forget to love all the other wines too, for they are all part of the same energy and deserve your respect and honor.

Do that and your “career” will take you anywhere you want to go. And before you know it, you will have been in it for some time and you’ll be walking down a corridor and pass by a group of young folks on the outside looking to get in. And then the large cycle will have made its rounds and you’ll be part of the elite group of folks, from Chaldea in 1000 B.C to Suvereto in 2008.


To answer the question which started this post – Yes, we are drawn onward.


There’s something about all these old and familiar worn out faces.




*Are We Not Drawn Onward to New Era?

Sunday, November 09, 2008

Drink in Eight Years

Yesterday would have been Liz and my 11th anniversary. On our third (and last) anniversary, in 2000, we were given a bottle and encouraged to put it away and drink in eight years. At that time the election hadn’t yet been decided, but what had been put in place in the next three months, by a power greater than any of us, was the downward spiral of my wife’s health and the last days of her life. We were cut off, never got a chance to drink that bottle of wine.

This weekend, while rooting among my wine closet I found that bottle of wine. It was an Italian wine, and it was red, and from a very good vintage. Now the issue isn’t whether the wine is ready to drink. I’m not sure I am.

The last eight years have been a time I would never had imagined in my life. I never planned to turn 50 as a widowed person. Jobs and friendships, loves and passions have all tried to make up for the giant crater in my own personal ground zero. And yes, we do rebuild, if ever so slowly, again.

So I will put that bottle of Italian wine back in its slot in the wine rack and maybe let it rest a little more.



Friday, November 07, 2008

American Terroir ~ Open Your Heart, and Shine it On

Yesterday, at an event for the local farmers and winemakers, there were a few Texas wines at the tables. One particularly appealed, insofar as it corresponded with what I have been thinking about in terms of what American terroir is.

First the wine. Cabernet Sauvignon from the High Plains of the Texas Panhandle. High acid. Very High. Almost to the point of being volatile. Naturally. Tender tannins. Harry Waugh of Latour would have loooved it. A creamy, almost uncanny, balance. I talked to the winemaker about the wine and related an earlier tasting of grapes from the same vineyard, but made by a different winemaker. The earlier wine had been taken through Reverse Osmosis almost to the point of stripping certain fleshy parts of the wine out, making the acidity factor even more stark. The earlier winemaker told me he had done that (R.O.) because the wine naturally had this aspect of what some folks would recognize as volatile acidity and he tried to “work it out.” It didn’t work for him and in the process he removed some of the buttresses that held the wine up, resulting in a wine that tasted as if it had had plastic surgery that had gone bad. Fortunately the second winemaker knew what the characteristic of the vineyard was and didn’t fight it, but rather let nature be. I don’t even like Cabernet for the most part, but this was a lovely drink.

Which is a very long introduction to something I have been talking about to wine folks across the country lately. This idea of American terroir.

It started with thoughts about California terroir (where I lived for half my life, growing up there) and feeling something in my environment before I knew the terms. In those many trips from Southern to Northern California going back to school and stopping in Templeton or Paso Robles, Gilroy or the many little vineyard plots along the way, I would taste a Zinfandel or a Charbono and note something that seemed oddly familiar. Something I couldn’t quite pinpoint. But it was concrete. Real.

I know there are critics who think "California wine" is big and bold and ripe and, well, immense. And other than those creeping levels of alcohol, I really am having a hard time understanding what their frame of reference is. Certainly not from growing up drinking the wines of Italy. Or France. Or Virginia, for that matter.

Yesterday, I also went into a natural foods café and ordered a glass of carrot and celery juice. As I was drinking it, I was really enjoying the earthiness of the carrots, the nervous edge of the celery. It was a perfect drink, and it had tons of terroir from the organically grown produce. A chap behind the counter said I should try it next time with a little apple juice. As I was walking outside in what seemed like a perfect California day (in Texas) I thought to myself, “That would make it fruity.” I didn’t want more fruit. I enjoyed the balance of the fruit with the muddiness of the carrots and the salty-spicy green quality of the celery. It didn’t need to be manipulated with sugar from the apples to make it more pleasurable.

Take a handsome woman. Or man. Lets say someone from Croatia. Or Louisiana. In their natural state, some of us prefer that to a more enhanced look. Some like breasts that aren’t enormously out of proportion. Or lips that don’t look like that got into a fight with Sugar Ray Leonard. Muscles that look healthy, but not menacing. Many of us like wine like that.

A few weeks ago, while in the Maremma, I tasted fresh Merlot grape juice before it started fermenting. It was direct, fresh. The fruit was there but it wasn’t hulky. Maybe that it was pre-oak, pre-malolactic and pre-spinning cones, that attracted me to the promise of the wine to come. Just like the carrot-celery juice. It was standing there in front of you, pure and natural. Senza manovra.

I think California gets a bad rap. From folks who think they know what California wine is. And from winemakers who have mistaken their winemaking hats with their deity hats. I know when I talk to some of my winemaker friends like Robert Pellegrini, how they seethe when people try to reinvent "California wine", as if with one swipe of the sword it can all be commandeered. In the meantime, folks like him have their wines downgraded by the critics in favor of more voluptuous wines with a hedonistic bent. Pave paradise to put up a parking lot. And a tram.

I hear you, Bob. I too, remember the promise of California. And that seems to be a forgotten promise in today’s menagerie of players along the coast, from the numb and number corporate-crunching wine machines to the post-mid-life crisis wine lifestyle gazillionares.

Last February I went up to Stony Hill at the invitation of Peter McCrea. It was the Napa of my childhood, still as I remembered it in the beginning. The wines were a pleasant 12 ½%. There was no overpowering weight of wood. Acidity was healthy, bracing. The taste of the earth was present. That is how I see terroir in America.

And as America seems to be at a turning point, wouldn’t it be a great time for all of us to put down our preconceptions about what we think California wine is, or should be, and just “let the sunshine in?”





Wednesday, November 05, 2008

For Your Pleasure

It doesn’t seem like eight years has passed since we entered the new millennium in 2001, but it has. It was the beginning of a very difficult time; my wife Liz passed away in Feb 2001, the political process started to change and the world changed with it. September 11 showed up on the world’s doorstep, and many of us have been taking it one day at a time, hoping for better days to come.

As I was jogging this evening by the high school, a speaker announced over the stadium address system, that there were refreshments in the concession stand. He described the available items: candy, popcorn, hotdogs, and then he said three little words, “for your pleasure.” It sounded like a throwback in time when things were so much simpler and in its uncomplicated message I thought back over the last 40 years and what some of our cinematic dreamers and Italian wine visionaries thought the world would be like in 2001. And while it sure wasn’t all that they projected in the movie, 2001: A Space Odyssey, it sure has been a heck of a trip. So, at this time I’d like to jump into the WABAC machine, back to 2001 and see what wines I would have predicted for the past, here in the safety of the future. Of course the wines are from the Italian trail, and beyond.

Ever since the time I attempted to simultaneously sell a Tuscan Novello and a Vernaccia di Serrapatrona, that would have been about this time in 1984, I have wondered why Italian wines chose me. Not just me, but for some of the hard stuff, I sure have had my share of those assignments. Driving around with a delivery van full of baby Sangiovese alongside a quirky, dry, foamy red wine made by a madman in the hills of the Marche. What was I thinking then? Even now it sounds bizarre. Don Quixote, only this time we weren’t looking for windmills. We were looking for space stations for these special travelers. And in honor of those two wines, in the 2001 of our little story here, we have an homage: Novello Di Ascoli, a modern wine about reincarbonation.

Chianti: 2001 was a little project that went beyond Chianti 2000. I’m not sure if people realize the first Italian in space was Sangiovese. A little known experiment resulted in growing and harvesting the grapes aboard the International space station. Limited release, only about 20 cases, hydroponically grown. It was intended to test the ideas of extra-terroirestrial winegrowing. It is an amazing red wine, without the pull of gravity and ratings. No, only the influence of the astro-agronomist-winemaker, an American of Italian descent. It challenges the limitations of the Italian wine trail that we terrestrials put on it. Buckminster Fuller said, “Whatever nature lets you do is natural.” I wish all of you could have tried it with me. But alas, a quick trip to Washington D.C., some time ago, was the only opportunity any of us will have. But there will be more. Watch for a sparkling wine to come, made in zero gravity, called Zero-Zero. No dirt on their space-boots, but lots of ardent advances orbiting above us.

Down in the Cilento National Park, there is a colony of Italians who speak Esperanto. They escaped the area around Vesuvius many years ago and decided to leave behind their dialect. But they took their grapes with them and started making a red wine for the new millennium, to coalesce their past with their future. It is a cult wine on the islands around Naples and further south. I have only seen and had it once, from a private cellar in Panarea. The wine reminded me of the reds made by Galardi. I have heard people say they have traded two bottles of Le Pin for one bottle of “Vulkano” Campania Ruga. I have tried both wines. I would say two bottles of Le Pin for one from the Esperantani’s is a fair deal.

About 11 years ago, in a place near Colfiorito, there was a terrible earthquake. When they got to digging out some of the buildings, rescue workers found a lab book from a vineyardist, describing a project code-named “Il Grifi”. The project, like its name, had as its goal to combine three grapes to make a new wine. Here the vineyardist had been researching, via recombinant DNA, the creation of a wine that had as its parents, Sangiovese, Sagrantino and Montepulciano. And yes, for many years in Umbria and the Marche, winemakers have blended these grapes together to make various wines. William Sylvester, who starred in the Stanley Kubrick film, had made a film in Italy and was fascinated with this area and with wine. So he funded this little known experimentalist. Italy loves to resuscitate ancient things: statues, grapes, legends. In this case, as we headed back to 2001, we discovered that the wine had finally been made, in minute quantities. An amazing wine, combining the ephemeral verve of Sangiovese, the tannic and alcoholic power of the Sagrantino and the lubriciousness of the Montepulciano. Joy upon joy, an almost perfect wine in time for the new age. But alas, only one year was made and only 1113 bottles. They were mostly served at an autumn Sagra in Colfiorito for the special red potato named after the area, which makes the most wonderful base for the local gnocchi. The wine disappeared into memory, along with the best gnocchi I had ever had. The wine? Sangrapulciano.

Two wines, Navicella and Passeggiata, were “good soul” efforts to make right the promise to reach the moon before the end of the decade. In the Italian’s efforts, though, it managed to arrive about 30 years later. End of decade, end of century, end of millennium, hey it’s only time, no?

Navicella was the wine intended for the first course, something from the aquaculture tanks. Passeggiata was created for the second stage, more experimental than the first wine. It was a sci-fi way of twinning tradition (Navicella) with innovation (Passeggiata) and for those who experienced the wine, I've been told it was a magical. Again, this was eight years ago when the Italians were embracing the next big thing. Now we are earthbound again, arguing this time over tradition vs. innovation. There are a few of these wines available on the auction circuits. A large enological school in Northeastern Italy was in incubating site for these wines. The Lega Nord, and a then unknown party operative, put an end to it. That little known operative would someday, in the future, join with Berlusconi and attempt to influence events in a larger and more important wine producing region, with near cataclysmic results.

Out last find caused a little flap among the retro-futurists in the room. Paraspruzzi was proposed to bridge the workers in the fields, those who tromp through the primal slime in their waders, with the elevated shapers of fashion. Originally the marketers wanted to call it “Chiaccerone”. Another on the board wanted to name it “Lo Scroccone”. But it was felt that normal wine lovers wouldn’t know how to pronounce it. Not that Paraspruzzi is that easy, but it sounded like the celebrity photographers who were known to frequent all the “in” places looking for those same nine beautiful people to snap up.

This was actually one of the most successful of the wines; it had a run of three vintages. Later as it was being packaged to sell to one of the large Euro-spirit-lux corporations, there were a string of lawsuits. As it turned out, everyone spent more on lawyers than the plan could ever return in ten years, so the project was jettisoned. A real shame, because the wine had a bona fide grip on the cognoscenti of the Italian wine industry. The bloggers never found out about it, this was buried deep in Puglia under the cover of an ancient Masseria. The remaining wine fetches a pretty Euro.


There lies my time and space odyssey of 2001, following the wines of the future back to the past. Submitted for your pleasure.





Post #400

Sunday, November 02, 2008

Old Wine in Old Casks

Italian wine, winemakers and movie stars, and American politicians, make for strange bedfellows indeed

Once upon a time, Italian wine importers tried desperately to sell their juice to America. They went to any length to sell wine. Once such effort was to make these decorative fired clay vessels shaped like donkeys and elephants and color them up real bright and perky and then hang a little thingie around the neck with the slogans, “Vote Republican” or “Vote Democratic.” The Italians were very good about making sure every party had a mascot filled with bright and sassy red wine, usually from Emilia-Romagna. Probably a Sangiovese or some high yield red wine that could be utilized for little or no cost. The clay figures now are worth more empty as a collectable, although some of the ones in my collection still have wine in them.

The donkey is a perky, happy-go-lucky character. He makes you think he might be your best friend who would never let you down.

The elephant is a little more self-reassured, standing on his hind legs for his pleasure, not yours, and deigning not to make eye contact. But he is an elephant decorated in such a strange way, almost like those Indian Ganesha statues that they put into the Ganges every year during the Hindu festivals.

These and many other characters were brought in by an importer who made a lot of money bringing in wine from Italy, first from Emilia-Romagna, then from Tuscany. Nowadays, we wouldn’t take an importer seriously if they tried to market Italian wines in this way. But you have to remember it was barely 15 years after a devastating war. Remember 1993? That doesn’t seem like so long ago, does it? Well in 1960 that was the situation and to make matters worse, Italy wasn’t taken seriously as a wine producer of any consequence. That was the purview of France. So what do the Italians, and their American importers do? They make some silly wine casks that represent the political parties in America and schlep them over filled with some inconsequential red wine. Very cute. But not very serious. And now so very kitsch.

Which leads me into my final political/wine reflection piece. This time it covers the influence and possible separated-at-birth coincidences of some of the frontrunners with various Italian winemakers and Italian film stars. Huh? Well not quite to the letter. There is kind of a maverick twist for the last one. You’ll see, don’t scan ahead, work with me, ok?

Bruna Giacosa and Cindy McCain, what is going on here? Is it deer in the headlights or maybe a little too much time under the sunlamp? I’m sure both of these women are loved by someone, if not just by their parents, both whom are alcohol industry giants in their own way. One in the beer business and the other in the Barolo business. These girls know their way around a curling iron and a blow dryer. The only question remaining: Do you go for “Drinkability” or “Age-ability?”

Joe Biden and Bruno Giacosa – both proud fathers. Joe, of course had to go it alone, with a little help from his remaining family. Bruno went about carving a neat little niche with his stable of mighty fine reds. Bruno has a daughter who is succeeding him in running the business. Joe has a son in politics, so there is a possibility of dueling dynasties. But aside from the vague resemblance and the serious demeanor, what else do these guys have in common? I’m not sure Joe has ever Jonesed for a Dolcetto. And I rather doubt Bruno craves commuting on Amtrak. So these gents are as polarized as most of the people in this country are from each other. The only remaining question is: Do you prefer single vineyard wines from Piedmont or a single payer health care system?

Sophia Loren and Eleanora Brown and Michelle Obama and Jill Biden – We’re doing a Two Women riff with this one. And while Michelle and Jill are not at all in the same predicament as Sophia (Cesira) and Eleanora (Rosetta), all the woman represent overcoming some kind of tragedy and rising above their circumstances to become more than they started out as. I know this seems like a bit of a stretch. The only remaining question is: How do you want your pizza, Margherita or Deep Dish?

Marcello Mastroianni and Barack Obama. I doubt if they really have anything in common other than liking cigarettes and posing in a pensive manner with their hands on their heads. Mastroianni had a nickname, Snaporaz, and Obama’s nickname is Barry. I prefer Snaporaz.

What else? Best Reaganesque advice Snaporaz can give to Barry: “I don't understand why these Americans have to suffer so much to identify with their characters. Me, I just get up there and act. It's great fun. There's no suffering in it.” What Barry learned from Snaporaz? “It's only when you hitch your wagon to something larger than yourself that you will realize your true potential.” The only remaining question is: Red wine with chili or white wine with linguine con vongole?

And finally, the pièce de résistance.


Don Corleone: Why did you go to the police? Why didn't you come to me first?
McCain: What do you want of me? Tell me anything, but do what I beg you to do.
Don Corleone: What is that?
[McCain gets up and whispers in the Don's ear]
Don Corleone: That I cannot do.
McCain: I'll give you anything you ask.
Don Corleone: We've known each other for many years but this is the first time you've ever come to me for counsel or for help. I can't remember the last time you invited me to your house for a cup of coffee, even though my wife is Godmother to your only child. But, let's be frank here. You never wanted my friendship and you were afraid to be in my debt.
McCain: I didn't want to get into trouble.
Don Corleone: I understand. You found paradise in America. You had a good trade, made a good living, the police protected you and there were courts of law and you didn't need a friend like me. But, now you come to me and you say "Don Corleone, give me justice." But you don't ask with respect. You don't offer friendship. You don't even think to call me Godfather. Instead, you come into my home on the day my daughter's to be married and you ask me to fix an election.
McCain: I ask you for justice.
Don Corleone: That is not justice, your race to Washington is still alive.
McCain: Let them suffer then. As we suffer. How much shall I pay you?
Don Corleone: McCain. McCain. What have I ever done to make you to treat me so disrespectfully? If you had come to me in friendship then this scum that ruined your election chances would be suffering this very day. And if by chance an honest man like yourself should make enemies then they would become my enemies. And then, they would fear you.
McCain: Be my friend... Godfather.
[kisses Don Corleone's ring]
Don Corleone: Good. Someday, and that day may never come, I'll call upon you to do a service for me. But, until that day, accept this justice as a gift on my daughter's wedding day.
McCain: Grazie, Godfather.



Q : Guns? or Cannoli's? Buonasera. Buonasera.



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